I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
