You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
