i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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