If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
So much Jack, so little girl.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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