So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
