She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
