'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
