I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
