You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
