so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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