He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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