hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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