the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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