The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
