so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
