After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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