I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
don't judge my taste in strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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