he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize