I heard we made out
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
