I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
