I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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