Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
