So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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