remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
