I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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