He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It's no shave November. This is our time.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize