True but thats because hes a fetus.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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