i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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