she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
