I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
