Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
