Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
