What did we do last night that was yellow?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
