I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
