wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
zippers are such a cool invention
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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