you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
