you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
