We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
