If i come over, it means nothing
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
