I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
