Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
