I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
