I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
