very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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