i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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