its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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