I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
