Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
