I'm going to jail i love you
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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