90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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