brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
