I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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