im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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