I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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