I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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