I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize