Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
