I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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