if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The air was thick with penises
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
