hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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