my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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