HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
