Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
