he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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