She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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