I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
