Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Houston, we have a blender
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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