he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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