you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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